Love After Love: A Poetic Exploration

Issue # 13

As we enter the season of Spring, the next upcoming issues of the TEO Ka-tet* will invite you to explore deeply a favorite poem of ours and it’s relevance to new beginnings. Each week for the next month or so, we will peel back the layers of this brilliant poem by Derek Walcott, a St. Lucian poet, playwright, and winner of the 1992 Noble Prize in Literature. We will engage the poem line-by-line and encourage you to follow along with us, journaling as you go. Take time to reflect of the personal meaning of Walcott’s words for you. Let’s begin by reading the poem. Read it slowly focusing on each word. Maybe print it out and carry it around with you. It is a simple poem on the surface, but one with so much richness. Here are Walcott’s words:

Love After Love         

The time will come
when, with elation
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror
and each will smile at the other's welcome,

and say, sit here. Eat.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you

all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,

the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

— Derek Walcott (1971)

Introduction

The first time Jim heard this poem he was listening to David Whyte read it at a workshop about 20 years ago. It has held him in its grip since then. Certainly, David’s reading of it was like no other and we strongly suggest listening to his presentation of it. (It is available on YouTube and as part of his marvelous lecture, “The Poetry of Self-Compassion” that you can download.) David peeled back each word and phrase and, through repetition and his wonderful voice, sinks the listener deeper and deeper into the poem. His ability to work with a poem is a huge gift of his.

Over the years, we have used this poem at workshops, in coaching sessions, with friends, and in our own internal work. Walcott’s brief poem beckons the reader to come home to themselves. He struck a chord in this poem that was so clearly resonant with people that, despite his massive body of work, it is this poem that stands out as his most well-known. Perhaps that is in part because it is very approachable and speaks to experiences that are relatively universal.

If we think of this in the heroic adventure cycle – the call to the adventure, the struggle, and the return – this is a poem of return. Here, the hero who has gone on his quest now and now has to adjust to being home. This person has been changed by the adventure. However, this is more of an everyday “hero” who may soon embark on a great journey toward their true (or truer) self. The poem is not the grand story we find in Homer’s works, the Star Wars cycle, or any traditional adventure story. This is more of a personal journey and, while regular or one could say mundane, it speaks to our lives more deeply than many of those grand stories. The poet speaks of estrangement from one’s self and the eventual return. In some ways it could be seen as an anti-heroic story. We all can and do get lost in our relationships, our work, our commitments. We get lost in ideas of who we should be, where we made errors, the choices we wish we could do over. We get lost in that external world and, if one does it long enough, one can easily forget who one really is. We lose that relationship with our true self bit by bit with every decision that takes us away from the person we could have been…the person we still are at heart.

But it is not an anti-heroic story. It is all too common that, like the greatest and most meaningful insights we the “answer” can seem obvious to the intellect. However, it requires a great deal of effort to move from the head to the heart and then to action. It is a journey filled with joys and successes, but also with heartache and loss. Very often the biggest demons we face are not external; they are internal. And that is, indeed, a heroic adventure to address those demons.

The poet, speaking in the second person, is likely talking himself, but also to the reader, through this period in his life. It is clear that the author knows the territory of heartbreak and of losing one’s self along the way. He provides hope, encouragement, and a few important pointers that can help one return to self.

Some of us are very fortunate. We have not known the horrors of war, murder, the holocaust, violent abuse, losing our home, losing a child, or any of the truly traumatic experiences of life. All the same, no one would deny the pain of loss, separation from those we love or loved, financial ruin, divorce, illness, or other traumatic events. We should not compare our suffering with others. We do believe that there is a beautiful generosity of heart among people who have suffered deeply and who still do not minimize the suffering of others. Yes, they may have seen some of the worst life has to offer, but they have the generosity to say, “Suffering is suffering. Tell me what happened.”

Very often when we are hurting, people say things like “Everything will work out” or “There is a reason for everything.” It always painful to hear these things. Think about all the endless suffering that happens every single day. Did everything work out? Absolutely not. We live in a world that is so often full of cruelty, narcissism, selfishness, and downright evil. That is the case now and it always has been. Can this coexist with periods of joy and happiness? Yes, that is the case now and it always has been. We live in a world where both things are true.

In this brief essay, we will explore the various meanings and implications of this poem. See what resonates with you and how you may use this poem (and others) to foster your return to the person you really are, the person you were meant to be. This is not intended to promote self-centeredness. Rather, it is through the return to the self that you discover your gifts, talents, and beauty that allow you to give more richly and more genuinely to the world, friends, partners, children, grandchildren, and all of those around you. It is a process of going inward so that, in the end, you can go outward, but in a new way, in a way where the self does not get lost or can, at least, be found more readily.

Reflection: Read the poem over and look up David Whyte’s reading of the poem. Try to feel the rhythm and, before reading this essay, see what comes up for you. What lines can you feel in your gut? Don’t worry about trying to “figure it out.” Rather, just feel the poem and jot down any notes regarding your personal associations to the poem.

See you next week!

Stay curious…about yourself and others. Feel free to write us with your thoughts:

jim@teoconsulting.org

linda@teoconsulting.org

Jim and Linda

* Ka-tet - A group of people bound together by ka (destiny) for a sense of purpose. Credit: Stephen King from his novel, The Gunslinger.

Note: TEO Ka-tet is the property of James Burke and Linda Pierce. You are free, however, to share this with others.