There is a quote from the movie, Out of Africa, that is quite powerful. It is spoken by Denys Finch-Hatton to Karen von Blixen when she confronts him about his need sometimes to just be alone away from her for extended periods of time. Denys says, “I'm with you because I choose to be with you. I don't want to live someone else's idea of how to live. Don't ask me to do that. I don't want to find out one day that I'm at the end of someone else's life.”
We can all feel like we are at the end of someone else’s life at times. Some of you may feel that way much of the time. There are children, partners, employees, friends, salespeople, endless e-mail, etc. constantly tugging on us for our time. Days can go by where we really do not get a break from innumerable pulls for our time and attention. Certainly, setting some boundaries with others and with ourselves in terms of wanting to feel needed and in relation to social media can help. But there is something else with which we are playing. It begins with a simple question: For most days, what is it you need to do and/or experience to be able to honestly say, prior to turning for the evening, “That was a good day”, or, “There were moments of good in this day”?
For “taking back your day”, we suggest coming up with three to five things that you like to do and/or experience daily, with maybe a few back-up items. If one of your daily “must do” items is to take a walk in the woods, you may want to substitute that with something else on a day filled with dangerous storms. Perhaps you already have a routine or a set of rituals that make your day a good day, even when it has been a rough one.
Here are some ideas:
1. Write a hand-written note to someone
2. Spend time in nature
3. Watch a sunrise or a sunset
4. Walk the dogs
5. Exercise
6. Read something meaningful to you that touches your mind and heart
7. Journal, perhaps on what you read
8. Pray/meditate
9. Review your core values and think how you might live those out better going forward
10. Spend time doing something creative
11. Call a friend with whom you have not spoken with for awhile
12. Do some random act of kindness
We suggest, when possible, the best time to get your three to five things done is in the morning. The days get away from us quickly and, unless you have a space in the middle of your day, most people we know do these practices in the morning. We have heard though, that some carve out a bit of space, perhaps thirty minutes, when they walk in the door at the end of their workday to decompress and take back a bit of their day. Whatever time works for you is what is important.
It seems that many who have an early morning routine, especially one that does not include email, often get the day off to a good start. Whatever you do, doing it mindfully helps. One could make eating a bowl of cereal mindfully a very fulfilling ritual.
Activity: Take some time to really think through what is important to you to make a day yours. What three to five practices will you agree realistically to do daily. You can choose specific ones or a menu to give you variability. The key thing is that if you can check off three to five of these, you can say you have had a good day. Anything in addition, is just icing on the cake. Remember, this not a lifetime commitment, unless you want it to be. You can mix it up in any way that works for you.
For all the hours we may spend living on the end of somebody else’s life, we have to claim some time and space to ourselves for our own peace and well-being. This becomes all the more important during times when our circle of concern is so wide and when we feel anxious and out of control in regard to the future. Finding that space for our own rituals, routines, and small sacred moments then becomes essential for keeping us out of a panicky and reactive mode.
As holidays (and relatives) approach, finding a few precious moments in your day becomes even more precious – and important.
Stay well,
Jim and Linda
PS – Check out our new website below! Something that we have been wanting for a long time!
* Ka-tet - A group of people bound together by ka (destiny) for a sense of purpose. Credit: Stephen King from his novel, The Gunslinger.
TEO Ka-tet is the property of James Burke and Linda Pierce operating as TEOconsulting, LLC
https://teoconsulting.org/
Love this post...it's consistent with and reinforces the spiritual practices I teach in discipleship classes. Thanks for sharing...