Cookie....thanks for that. I find myself trapped between reaching out to check on friends and absolutely raging on people I thought were reasonable intelligent people who now seem to have no concern about how their words are hurting others.
Jim...talk about reverting to my most comfortable behavior. I want to pull out a sword and just start knocking the (bleep) out of people, some I considered friends!! It is definitely a moment to examine my first instincts and try to find better ways to address the situation. And cutting some of them loose is definitely one action. You can't reason with the blind!!
I also find myself being the calming presence for the younger folks in the office who have never experienced this kind of disruption. We've seen some of this before and this too shall pass. Some days I feel like I should put out my Lucy cup and start collecting a nickel each time. (Can I raise the price to a quarter?) But this is new to them...me I've got a closet full of t-shirts to show! But I will say the indiscriminate manner that this is happening does make it particularly crazy.
I've been kicking around the idea of hosting a Caring Party. Just a time to get together and check on each other with no discussion of politics or craziness!! Kind of like your gratitude dinner. Just give thanks for each other, so we all have the strength to walk into tomorrow with a little more calm and strength.
A caring party! That is a great idea! We need more caring for and with others in our lives.
I think there are so many factors that are contributing to the experience of anger and rage that you, me, and so many others are feeling. It is as if a mentality has been released that makes it okay (again) to lie, defame others, and harm people psychologically and even physically. The mob mentality is always just below the surface with all its demons waiting to be released into the world.
I worry that we are going to become a country where one's survival becomes linked to silence. I look at what happened to Hungary so quickly. Dismantling our institutions, as former ambassador to Hungary, David Pressman, reminded us in a recent interview, is not as hard as we think. To people like you and me and I believe so many others, we know how this story ends. At the same time, we feel helpless to make the story end differently. Many like the way it ends (or they think they will like the may it ends) and many just try to ignore it. That leaves maybe 25% (a total guess) of people who are willing to write a different ending...but how do we do that? How do we channel the rage into actions that prevent us from becoming Hungary? How do we still reach out in love and kindness to those who seem to be cheering on the destruction and the harm that is being caused here at home and abroad?
When we wrote this piece (Linda was the primary author), we were discussing the importance of not focusing too much on "self-care." There is a time for that and there is a time for activism, for fighting for one's beliefs. Balance is needed, but I doubt there was a lot of talk about self-care in the French Resistance during WW II or in the opposition during the civil wars in Portugal and Spain.
In the past, when I would think about my core beliefs about what kind of society we should be, I usually saw them as something 80-85% of people would likely say they agree or mostly agree with. They are so tied to simple kindness and looking out for each other. They are rather like a Jimmy Stewart or Jimmy Carter view of basic human decency. Now, I am not sure they would get even a 60% approval rating. I may test it out...I just hope I am not disappointed. Then again, sometimes it is better to know.
I am hopeful that we, as a society, regardless of politics (the old style of politics), can come back to trying to be a more caring and less self-centered society. (Admittedly, we have always had a long way to go in this, but I felt we were trying, however slowly.) Where we used to have relatively small political differences, now we seem to have a huge clash of values. Them, once we see someone as "the other" we become the worst versions of ourselves, only furthering the divide. It takes all I have these days to not go down that road, but I do want to get to the place where most of us believe that strength looks like love, care for those with fewer resources, and a belief that our country will be a source of compassion and a reliable friend to our allies even when we have tough "family" conversations. These days, it can sound naive to put that sentiment out there. In our own way, we can all be like Scout in "To Kill a Mockingbird" when she spoke outside the jailhouse to the mob as individuals, with such truth and kindness. Perhaps we can develop a group where we help each other practice truth and kindness...but who are also feeling rage. Remember, Jesus was one angry dude in so many ways.
I heartily agree with all of the recommendations. I also suggest checking in with a friend or acquaintance "just because". You don't need to solve the ills of the world; just letting someone know they are not alone helps produce endorphins. I received a call "out of the blue" and the goal was just to let me know I'm being thought of. It's amazing how powerful and restorative it can be just to know someone is thinking of you. And pass it along; call someone you haven't spoken with in a while. Your call lifts their spirits, but it also lifts yours. Try it!
That is such a good idea and it is so true that doing so helps both people. As I think about it, it would be a good daily practice -- just one simple reach out a day. Thanks, Cookie.
Cookie....thanks for that. I find myself trapped between reaching out to check on friends and absolutely raging on people I thought were reasonable intelligent people who now seem to have no concern about how their words are hurting others.
Jim...talk about reverting to my most comfortable behavior. I want to pull out a sword and just start knocking the (bleep) out of people, some I considered friends!! It is definitely a moment to examine my first instincts and try to find better ways to address the situation. And cutting some of them loose is definitely one action. You can't reason with the blind!!
I also find myself being the calming presence for the younger folks in the office who have never experienced this kind of disruption. We've seen some of this before and this too shall pass. Some days I feel like I should put out my Lucy cup and start collecting a nickel each time. (Can I raise the price to a quarter?) But this is new to them...me I've got a closet full of t-shirts to show! But I will say the indiscriminate manner that this is happening does make it particularly crazy.
I've been kicking around the idea of hosting a Caring Party. Just a time to get together and check on each other with no discussion of politics or craziness!! Kind of like your gratitude dinner. Just give thanks for each other, so we all have the strength to walk into tomorrow with a little more calm and strength.
A caring party! That is a great idea! We need more caring for and with others in our lives.
I think there are so many factors that are contributing to the experience of anger and rage that you, me, and so many others are feeling. It is as if a mentality has been released that makes it okay (again) to lie, defame others, and harm people psychologically and even physically. The mob mentality is always just below the surface with all its demons waiting to be released into the world.
I worry that we are going to become a country where one's survival becomes linked to silence. I look at what happened to Hungary so quickly. Dismantling our institutions, as former ambassador to Hungary, David Pressman, reminded us in a recent interview, is not as hard as we think. To people like you and me and I believe so many others, we know how this story ends. At the same time, we feel helpless to make the story end differently. Many like the way it ends (or they think they will like the may it ends) and many just try to ignore it. That leaves maybe 25% (a total guess) of people who are willing to write a different ending...but how do we do that? How do we channel the rage into actions that prevent us from becoming Hungary? How do we still reach out in love and kindness to those who seem to be cheering on the destruction and the harm that is being caused here at home and abroad?
When we wrote this piece (Linda was the primary author), we were discussing the importance of not focusing too much on "self-care." There is a time for that and there is a time for activism, for fighting for one's beliefs. Balance is needed, but I doubt there was a lot of talk about self-care in the French Resistance during WW II or in the opposition during the civil wars in Portugal and Spain.
In the past, when I would think about my core beliefs about what kind of society we should be, I usually saw them as something 80-85% of people would likely say they agree or mostly agree with. They are so tied to simple kindness and looking out for each other. They are rather like a Jimmy Stewart or Jimmy Carter view of basic human decency. Now, I am not sure they would get even a 60% approval rating. I may test it out...I just hope I am not disappointed. Then again, sometimes it is better to know.
I am hopeful that we, as a society, regardless of politics (the old style of politics), can come back to trying to be a more caring and less self-centered society. (Admittedly, we have always had a long way to go in this, but I felt we were trying, however slowly.) Where we used to have relatively small political differences, now we seem to have a huge clash of values. Them, once we see someone as "the other" we become the worst versions of ourselves, only furthering the divide. It takes all I have these days to not go down that road, but I do want to get to the place where most of us believe that strength looks like love, care for those with fewer resources, and a belief that our country will be a source of compassion and a reliable friend to our allies even when we have tough "family" conversations. These days, it can sound naive to put that sentiment out there. In our own way, we can all be like Scout in "To Kill a Mockingbird" when she spoke outside the jailhouse to the mob as individuals, with such truth and kindness. Perhaps we can develop a group where we help each other practice truth and kindness...but who are also feeling rage. Remember, Jesus was one angry dude in so many ways.
I heartily agree with all of the recommendations. I also suggest checking in with a friend or acquaintance "just because". You don't need to solve the ills of the world; just letting someone know they are not alone helps produce endorphins. I received a call "out of the blue" and the goal was just to let me know I'm being thought of. It's amazing how powerful and restorative it can be just to know someone is thinking of you. And pass it along; call someone you haven't spoken with in a while. Your call lifts their spirits, but it also lifts yours. Try it!
That is such a good idea and it is so true that doing so helps both people. As I think about it, it would be a good daily practice -- just one simple reach out a day. Thanks, Cookie.